It's My Turn To Be Brave

Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction 
For to long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid 
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid 
Cause it's my turn to be brave


Tonight's the night.  


Not that night.


It's the night before my last day of work.  I had honestly pushed the thought out of my mind mostly in part because I thought that I would be leaving on the 28th of this month, not the 14th.  Last week I thought that I still had time.  Time to prepare my classroom, time to prepare the families of my class, time to prepare the kids, time to prepare myself.  


From what my boss has said I am ready.  My classroom is in order and the parents have known this was coming.  What I am not ready for, is not seeing those kids everyday.  Sure there are days when I wonder why I do what I do.  It becomes so emotionally draining to on most days spend more time with them then their own parents get the opportunity to.  But, when I hear them say, 'Ms. Natalie, cake rhymes with snake.' Or 'G guh-guh like a guitar.'  I can't help but think, 'Yes this is why I do what I do.'


I was talking to a parent today as she was picking up her son.  I told her, 'As teachers sometimes we joke about how we are glad that we get to send the kids home each night.  Especially after a long day.'  And she laughed and agreed.  But I then told her, 'But the more I think about it, the more I disagree with that.  There are days when something happens with a child that we take home with us.  Whether it's good or bad, and we go home and talk about it with our own families.  So we never really let them go.'  I know that physically we don't take them with us, but we take their memory with us.


The kids invest in our lives just as much as we invest in theirs.


The reality is, the next time I see these kids I will be a mom.  


I think that scares me most of all.  But I know that...
I can't be afraid 
Cause it's my turn to be brave.