It's My Turn To Be Brave

Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction 
For to long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid 
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid 
Cause it's my turn to be brave


Tonight's the night.  


Not that night.


It's the night before my last day of work.  I had honestly pushed the thought out of my mind mostly in part because I thought that I would be leaving on the 28th of this month, not the 14th.  Last week I thought that I still had time.  Time to prepare my classroom, time to prepare the families of my class, time to prepare the kids, time to prepare myself.  


From what my boss has said I am ready.  My classroom is in order and the parents have known this was coming.  What I am not ready for, is not seeing those kids everyday.  Sure there are days when I wonder why I do what I do.  It becomes so emotionally draining to on most days spend more time with them then their own parents get the opportunity to.  But, when I hear them say, 'Ms. Natalie, cake rhymes with snake.' Or 'G guh-guh like a guitar.'  I can't help but think, 'Yes this is why I do what I do.'


I was talking to a parent today as she was picking up her son.  I told her, 'As teachers sometimes we joke about how we are glad that we get to send the kids home each night.  Especially after a long day.'  And she laughed and agreed.  But I then told her, 'But the more I think about it, the more I disagree with that.  There are days when something happens with a child that we take home with us.  Whether it's good or bad, and we go home and talk about it with our own families.  So we never really let them go.'  I know that physically we don't take them with us, but we take their memory with us.


The kids invest in our lives just as much as we invest in theirs.


The reality is, the next time I see these kids I will be a mom.  


I think that scares me most of all.  But I know that...
I can't be afraid 
Cause it's my turn to be brave.

Sweet but not Prickely

My lil D Man,
It's hard to believe that you're due to be here in just over 6 short weeks.  I thought that this week I would make two lists for you.

What I Will Not Miss About Being Pregnant

• Having to use the restroom too frequently
• Having to sleep on my right side.  If I sleep on my left side you kick me, a lot, because that is where you hang out.  It's also not the 'best' way to sleep according to the pregnancy gurus.  I also can't sleep on my back for the same reason I can't sleep on my left side.
• Swollen feet.
• Heartburn and Acid Reflux
• The extra weight gain, although most of it is just you.
• Waddling like a penguin, although my cousin Samantha loves penguins, I don't think I make a cute one.
• Being able to stand up/sit down without it feeling like an Olympic event.
• Not being able to breathe properly since you are pushing my lungs up into my ribs.
• Having to wonder what you look like.
• Crazy emotions.

What I Will Miss About Being Pregnant

• Being able to be the only one to bond with you for the past nine months.
• Feeling you kick/squirm/roll on the inside.
• Having you with me all the time.
• The mystery of how you came to be and the amazing thing my body is doing even at this very moment.

I'm sure that there are many more things, but right now my mind is fuzzy and scrambled.  Comes with the pregnancy but I don't mind it as much as other mommies to be may.

Today is Daddy's birthday too.  Don't tell him but he's getting really old.  In two years he's going to be (shhh) 30! (gasp!)  We were talking yesterday about how most people hate the idea of turning 30, but I think that he and I are going to be ok turning 30.  We figured that before we both are 30 we will have been married (of course), started a family (that's all because of you D), and bought a home.  Who cares if we don't have a ton of money, we will have each other and that's all that matters.  Being married, having a family and a home are big goals people set up for themselves before they hit 30 and God willing we will have hit them all.  So our life will be exactly where we hoped it would be.  More importantly it's where God wants our lives to be.  We are just fortunate that His will is what we had always hoped for.  You'll learn more about that later on as you get older.

That's all for tonight.  I'll have to get Daddy to take a picture later and then I will add it to this post.  

By the way, the title of this post may seem off, but let me explain.  You're the size of a pineapple this week.  I'd like to think that this is a special week for us since pineapples are grown mostly in Hawaii and that's where I was born.  Take a look at a pineapple and eat one too and then you'll understand the title.  And did you know that pineapples are grown UNDERGROUND? Crazy I tell you, just crazy.

Love you,

Mommy