Things Will Never Be The Same

So, I had these friends in high school (that sounds lame, and makes me feel old) and they were my best friends. But life has this funny way of making people grow apart, change, whatever the case may be. Now I understand that change is inevitable and a part of growing up but wow. At the moment it doesn’t really make sense to me. While I am happy that other friendships are growing and coming back together it just makes me sit back and wonder; what’s the matter with me that when I have tried to reconnect with people they don’t want to but with these other people it’s perfectly ok? I know that in everything God has a plan, but just UGH! I know that I am a good person. I talked with Alison today about a certain situation and trust me I was scared to talk to her about it because she does some of the things that I was upset at someone for, but there was one thing that made her different. She is a Christian, so that’s not it, it’s something else. I can’t say what it is, because then it would give away the identity of someone and just open old wounds. I told her EVERYTHING about the situation and she agreed with me. And it wasn’t just because we are friends.

In all honesty, I know that these are not the friends that I need in my life. That must sound harsh I know, and a little contradictory, but I’m trying to be honest with the way that I am feeling. I am in a good place with school and Church. I am just now comfortable with just being me and ok with being single. I am focusing on me and the things that I want in my life. I still have my days where I struggle with the whole single thing, but it’s mostly when family events are going on and you look around and think to yourself, ‘a guy would be nice right now.’ But it ends there. Most days I don’t think about it.

There are so many other thoughts that are running through my head, and trying to get them out in a way that will be comprehendible is becoming impossible. So, with that I think that I am going to go and try to organize them.