December 10, 2007 Update

So not on this blog, but on my myspace I wrote a blog on December 10.

In that blog I wrote that I was giving up on someone.

Not a friend, but the idea that a relationship would come from that friendship. Call me crazy, but I tend to fall for my friends because getting to know them and all the little details about them, there is just something about it.

I thought that since it has been a little over seven months I should update the world wide web on the condition of my heart. My cousin hoped that it would get better soon. I'm not exactly sure what better is, but I am pretty sure that I am getting there.

My heart still skips a beat sometimes when I see them. But I am getting better at saying hi and letting it just be that. I can't allow my heart to go back to its old feelings. I have worked so hard to get to where I am today. Although I must say this person being rude for a bit helped in that area. Lately though this person coming back around to their old self, which makes me happy but also scared at the same time.

I'm scared for my feelings to return again. And to yet again make me feel like I am not worth their time unless its on their schedule, or they have nothing else to do.

The Back-Up Plan.

That is what I always seem to be to guys.

This evening has just been emotional period. I have spent a good deal of it crying trying to figure out what exactly it is that guys dont like about me. I love me, and I know that God loves me. I know that, that alone should be good enough, but I think we can all agree that we dont always feel that way.

Thank goodness this week is Summer Spectacular.

I love it so much, and it makes me feel like I am worth it. That I am doing what I was made to do. That God can shine through and use me this week in ways that He cant in other weeks.

It will keep my mind away from the thoughts of not being good enough.